EATFREAK

Peanut Butter And Freaking Jelly

Miss Me?

I said I couldn’t take it anymore, but the truth is I just can’t stay away. When it comes to food, I just can’t keep my fuckin’ mouth shut. So I’m back!! Things are gonna be different around here. Expect a whole new look in the coming weeks. I’ll be posting recipes and reviews and rants and stuff just like before – perhaps with a bit less frequency. But I’ll be tweeting a whole bunch more. I know – Oh Goodie – right? All in all it means in one way or another, from now on, you’ll be hearing more from the Asshole in the food blogger room. But enough small talk – let’s talk food.

Last night I fulfilled a dream. A small dream, but a dream nonetheless. A small dream that paid off Huge. For years I have wanted to make a Bad Ass Peanut Butter and Jelly. A PB&J worthy of being considered a Dinner Entree. A PB&J you would take pains to pair well with a good glass of wine or craft beer. A PB&J that would make you laugh in the face of the next preschool kid you saw and scream “Dude! You don’t even fucking KNOW!!! Said PB&J was born last night. As with anything I ever make – I’ll be messing with this recipe for years – but as of now I love it to death already and will probably eat another one today.

So!! You’re gonna make your own Organic Roasted Peanut Butter – AND you’re gonna make your own Rose Cardamom Strawberry Jam. It’s super freaking easy. If you have kids, they can totally help and will love to because it’s PB and freaking J. You are feeding yourself and your loved ones fresh, preservative free, homemade awesome things and that makes you a hero.

You’ll also need some form of Panini Press. I suppose George Forman will do if you’re the kind of person who is comfortable with that level of integrity. If you have nothing resembling a Panini press – Two Skillets of roughly equal size will get the job done. Here we go.

Peanut Butter:
16 oz. bag of organic roasted unsalted peanuts (you can also go crazy and roast some organic peanuts yourself … control freak)
5 big pinches of Kosher Salt (I like salty peanut butter – you can do less if you want) 1 very mild squeeze of Honey (like 2 or 3 teaspoonsish)
2 TBSP Peanut Oil (you’re gonna eyeball this actually so it may be more … or less)
** If you really want this to be organic, obviously all that stuff has to say Organic on the packaging (even then sometimes it’ bullshit … but hey, at least you tried)

Jelly:
1 LBs strawberries, sliced thin
1 – 2 cups sugar (up to you really)
1/2 cup orange juice
1 shake of cardamom (you can do more … i did more)
1-2 TBSP Rose Water

AND ….. Bread. How about some kick ass Californian Sourdough hm? San Francisco International? Southern California’s own Pioneer Sourdough? OK then.

for the PB

1. throw the Peanuts and the Salt into a food processor. Wiz the shit out of it. Go crazy. Stop and mix it around a bit – then wiz the hell out of it again. Just get that stuff as ground and fine as you possibly can.

2. Add the honey – start processing again. Now slowly drip the peanut oil in there. You’re going to do this until the peanut butter looks like you want it to look. After about 2 or 3 TBSP just let it spin for about a minute or more. If it doesn’t look right yet, slowly add more peanut oil. Don’t go too much further than 3 TBSP though. Again – let it run without pouring oil for at least a minute. This is going to be coarser than Skippy – but still creamy and glossy and rad as hell.

For the J

1. Seriously – just throw everything into a 12 inch skillet and cook over medium high heat til it’s done (how much sugar is up to you. 2 cups is pretty sweet, you might wanna hold off). stir somewhat frequently. if it gets kinda foamy at times, you can skim that stuff off. This should be roughly 10 minutes but who cares. Just watch it. When it’s starting to get the right thickness you want – you’re done. Warning though!! It will get thicker when it cools, so don’t go too far otherwise you will make a very tasty slimy gooey inedible brick of death.

***for those of you who generally make jam and can stuff – you’ll note that this is not a canning jam. This will only last about two weeks in the fridge. Well no it won’t. I will have eaten through mine as of tomorrow evening.

Let all that stuff cool – the refrigerator is a good place for cooling things.

Now – I doubt I have to tell you how to assemble a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich – so do it. If you have some form of Panini Press, I also doubt I have to tell you how to operate your own Kitchen Gadgetry – so do it. Don’t be a freaking pansy either – get some good burny stuff in there – burn marks – burn smells – good things.

If you don’t own said gadgetry – here’s your trick.

1. Get those two equal sized skillets (they really should be cast iron) raging hot on the range.

2. Kill the heat and spray one of them with Pam or something – place the sandwich (or two or three sandwiches if they’ll fit) in that one.

3. QUICKLY NOW!!!! Spray the BOTTOM of the other pan with the Pam stuff and rest it on top of your precious sandwich (or precious sandwiches)

4. let it sit there for a while and think about what it’s done. Then remove the top skillet. If the sandwiches aren’t burny and awesome enough, repeat some of those steps until they are.

You’re Done!! Now Eat and Cry Tears of sweet ass childhood goodness!! I served this last night to my wife and a good friend along with a spinach/apple/fennel salad with a coarse mustard vinaigrette. Paired it with a glass of midlevel Hard Cider … a kind of earthy one.

And that’s that kids. You should make this because it’s satisfying as all hell – and then after you make it, You should eat it. Hope you enjoyed the long and tedious read. There’ll be more of that on the way as well as some general website streamlining. Until next time – from all of us here at EATFREAK – have a awesome day – I’m John Graney, screaming obscenities loudly at his food so you don’t have to.

ok bye.

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